10 Lessons From Getting Dumped in a ‘Thriving Relationship’


Guest Blog by Elizabeth from Thriving Results Coaching

The Coach Gets Dumped, too!

Well, I (Elizabeth) just got dumped. Yes, it definitely happens even when doing everything “the right way!” What I mean is, I rigorously practice what I preach! This means that I use my relationship model. I stay on the lookout for when things aren’t working. I work to notice and resolve these things so that I can create a thriving partnership. Of course I make mistakes, and I am committed to cleaning up every single one of them along the way. That is practicing 100% ownership!

And, isn’t that the best thing ever!?! Yes, getting dumped! 

Here are the top 10 reasons why getting dumped is important to creating and having the relationship of your dreams:

Lesson number…

1. No one did anything wrong! 

He really is a wonderful man. The best one I’ve ever dated to date—Pun intended! There is absolutely nothing wrong with him, and I do love him. In fact, I respect him more for saying goodbye and honoring my time and space to move on. 

A good man does not always equal a good fit for a partnership. Every man I’ve dated since divorcing has been a good, down to their core, really, really amazing man. Breaking up DOESN’T mean someone did anything wrong!

In my most recent relationship, I  discovered another wonderful man who ended up NOT being a good fit for the partnership I am committed  to create! 

2. I get to keep learning and growing! 

Because he said goodbye, I won’t be dragged on for months or years trying to make something work that was never aligned to begin with. He provided me with the space to move on, grieve the loss of our love, and take care of myself. What a relief! 

3. Honesty is the best policy…even when it divides a budding relationship. 

Deep honesty means that I know my values and I honor them, regardless of what my partner ‘wants’ me to be or do. I demonstrate with my behavior what my real boundaries are. This helps turn off and repel the wrong partners. When I stuck to my boundaries, he saw that he didn’t feel comfortable with some of my boundaries.

4. I want to scare off the misfits! 

I want my values to be so clear and obvious that anyone who would object to them runs for the hills. This saves me the heartache and time I could have wasted on them. I want my way of ‘being’ to be so ‘loud that [he] can’t hear what [I’m] saying.’ I want to find someone who is committed to treating me in loving and supportive ways, and I want to find someone I can love like that too. That means that we can have a deep respect for the values and needs of one another, and neither of us need to sacrifice what matters to us. 

5. Dumping represents progress. 

I have a sticker on my water bottle that says, “Fail. Learn. Move on.”

I can look back and see how I grew from the good parts of the relationship.

I can look back and see what I can learn right now from what didn’t work, too. 

For example, what red or yellow flags can I identify now where I acted in a way that lacked integrity? Perhaps I let my boundaries slide when I was having fun, or perhaps I stopped honoring my needs when things were exciting. (Sleep… I need sleep!)

6. Being dumped can represent healthy boundaries! 

When we know something won’t work, we should stop doing it! I thank him for saying that this is over. He did me a favor in a healthy, respectful,and kind way. 

This principle applies across the board. As Paul Jenkins’ wife said, “Do more of what works; less of what doesn’t!”

So being dumped is actually healthy, for me in this instance. 

7. If you can’t wholly come to the table, you are at the wrong table! 

I do NOT back down on what deeply matters to me. I do NOT make do, compromise, or sacrifice any core value. I want to bring my best self fully to a thriving partnership. When that doesn’t work for the other guy, that is a dead giveaway that this isn’t going to last. 

8. Fail Fast—Fail Forward

Ending a relationship gives momentum, and we can choose to move into stagnant, slug-like performance, or to move forward into living with our whole hearts each moment. While, now I need to grieve. I will do it with my whole heart! And, I will move forward through grief. Grief provides the healing and learning and cleansing needed to create something new.

9. I just got a new lease on life.

Letting go of the future I expected and hoped for hurts… right before it provides a huge opening for creating a new future. I feel the space, and when I’m ready, I will explode into that new future and that new space. First, a little time for healing, please.

10. He really did me a favor and provided an important gift.

Thank you, Mr. Wonderful! Thank you for the time I got to enjoy with you in your life. Thank you for treating me with honor, and thank you for the times you didn’t honor me. Thank you for the conversations, and sharing your perspectives and your meals with me. Thank you for being so courageous that you would be honest with me when it wasn’t easy for either of us! I love you, and I wish you the best in life!

Those are the first 10 lessons I got from being dumped today.

None Were with Him

Gethsemene, Adam Abram 2008

Part of being single is having times when we all feel alone. In fact, Elder Holland addresses all of us at the very beginning of this talk. I don’t have a lot to say, as I feel his words express all that can be said about it so beautifully. Please listen and know that you are loved and that you have the capacity to love.

How to lose your self-esteem in 10 ways

Real Talk Raw Beauty Blog by Jess Self esteem
Real Talk Raw Beauty Blog by Jess Self esteem

Guest Blog by Jess Cameron of Real Talk Raw Beauty

There is a particular “something” every one of us is born with; and as we develop it supports us in all our endeavours to create, to risk, to dream, to dare, and to attempt. Without it, those endeavours become nearly impossible to accomplish. They might even become fears. The title of the post probably gave away what I’m talking about…our self-esteem.

I think of self-esteem as the combination of self-belief and an abiding sense of self-worth. Though we’re born with it, we can easily lose it. For some, we lose it very early on. For others, it can take many years of being beaten down until eventually fading into self-doubt.

Here’s 10 simple ways to destroy your self-esteem:

(I recommend doing the opposite – because you kinda need your self-esteem) 

  1. Try to fit in with a crowd that is nothing like you. We all want to belong, that instinct is primal and it won’t go away. When people say things like “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me”, I immediately know that person cares way too much what people think – or at least they did once and now they’ve calloused their self for preservation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to belong, it’s how we’ve survived all these years; by sticking together and looking out for each other. But there is a difference between belonging and fitting-in. Belonging suggests that people accept who you are, fully and completely, and so you trust you’ll always have a place with them. Fitting-in suggests that you’ve had to shape yourself to suit the likes and dislikes of the group, hoping you don’t get kicked out. If you’re trying to fit in, you’ll always be self-conscious and uneasy about your place in the group; you will never feel like you truly belong. Goodbye to self-esteem.
  2. Be with someone who shows you’re not their priority. Can you just NOT do this?! If you’re constantly feeling like second place, or third, or fourth, or way at the bottom of someone’s priority list – then you are probably right! They don’t really care about you, or at least not as much as they should to earn your undying loyalty. True love is being willing to put someone’s needs above your own. If you are with someone who refuses to do that for you, walk away (before your self-esteem runs away).
  3. Allow someone’s opinion of you to dictate your own opinion of you. If you are attempting to determine who you are based on what others say about you, then you’re going to have a very fickle image of yourself. You’ll never know who you truly are because that will change every time someone new says something about you. I’m not saying if people repeatedly tell you you’re selfish or mean that you shouldn’t evaluate; but be mindful of who you let draw the picture of YOU.
  4. Never make a decision. There are loads of funny memes about people who just can’t decide what to eat for dinner. The Ryan Gosling one? Lol. Most of us are master THINKERS and amateur DOERS. A very, very easy way to never trust yourself is to never make a decision. Usually people who can’t decide are people-pleasing (worrying about what others want), have a paralysing fear of being wrong, or totally lack confidence in their ability to make good decisions. I don’t care how small the decision is, just start making them! Get in to a habit of making them. Your confidence will build the more you realise you actually can figure things out on your own.
  5. Ignore your instincts, repeatedly. How many of you have ignored your instincts in the past, suffered the consequences of not listening to them, and now have a very hard time trusting yourself to not get in bad situations/relationships again? The irony here is that if you did trust yourself, you’d likely be making the right decisions! Your instincts are there to warn you and guide you, and not listening to them is the problem. Imagine what your life (and self-esteem) would look like if you listened to your instincts in every situation? Not your feelings, your instincts.
  6. Allow your body and your looks to define you. Looking “hot” is one of the most sought after goals in the world. And the pursuit of it can destroy self-esteem quicker than thirty seconds in the fire destroys your marshmallow! Listen, there will always be someone who is better looking than you, always. There will always be new “what’s hot” trends you’ll want to change yourself to follow. Remember when pencil thin eyebrows were in? And now it’s the thicker the better?…Yeah, my poor eyebrows are still trying to grow back in after all these years! If you’re known for your body and your looks, you will always feel the pressure of trying to keep your body and your looks up-to-date with what’s “in”. It will consume your life and take away from any actual beauty you do have.
  7. Obsess over all the traits you dislike about yourself and never take a compliment. When you’re obsessed with being perfect, all you can see is your flaws. Self-talk is the narrator inside you head that dictates your life. Is it positive or negative self-talk? Even trying to be humble by denying or deflecting compliments can have a massive negative impact on your self-esteem. You’re telling your subconscious you’re not worthy of compliments. What you tell yourself is what you’ll eventually believe and become.
  8. Compromise your values and YOLO your way through life. If you want to lower your opinion of yourself, sell out your values and morals. This one is becoming increasingly difficult in our social media age. Once upon a time you might have thought you’d never expose your body for attention, but now with the pressure to get followers and likes it becomes extremely difficult not to. Failing to be true to what is important to you will weaken your connection to your own sense of self. Over time, you may feel you don’t really know yourself anymore.
  9. Be emotionally dependent on others. A lot of us pride ourselves on being independent, but are we emotionally independent? Emotional independence is when you’re in control of your emotions, regardless of what others say or do. Being emotionally dependent is the opposite – when you allow your emotions to be swayed by others.
    Example 1) Someone makes an offensive remark. An emotionally dependent response would be to take the comment on board feeling bitterly hurt, and react accordingly. On the other hand, an emotionally independent person might choose to believe they didn’t mean to hurt (though untactful), and choose to brush it off. Maybe you’re thinking “what if they do mean to hurt me Jess?” No matter how bad, only you can let it hurt you. You are the one who lets it in, and lets it stay. Example 2) You’re waiting for a text from someone you have a crush on. Are you miserable all day while waiting to hear from them? When they finally do message, are you all of the sudden over the moon!? Can you identify emotional dependence now? Don’t let your happiness be decided by the actions of others.
  10. Constantly aim for perfection. Perfection is an impossible goal; one that will waste your energy, life, and self-esteem. Aim for progression, or for improvement, but let go of your need for perfection. The only outcomes this pursuit will produce are; 1) stopping you from doing what you dream or attempting to try because you need to be perfect first, 2) burning yourself out, 3) burning everyone else out trying to control them in the hope that nothing will ever go wrong. All outcomes = not good.
    Being a perfectionist is more often a result of low self-esteem. You either have something to prove about your worth to others or yourself, or you’re too scared of failing because of what that would say about you. Let go of perfectionism and you might find yourself…your imperfect, creative, daring self.

“Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are.” – Jack Canfield 

Real Talk Raw Beauty

Book Recommendations!


We want to hear your book recommendations, the good, the bad, the ugly cries! What’s been your favourite book recently?

We have a Book Club

We are super excited to have started our Book Club Marco Polo Group! Our first book of choice is the classic Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson.

We have a polo group for those who wish to join to discuss the book. We also have a polo group where our members read the next section along. Like our very own free of charge audio book 😀 (Chat to one of our Founders if you would like to join these groups)

In The Comments Below Add Your Book Recommendations and Reviews

We would love to hear about any book recommendations you may have for our book club or even just comment with a recommendation or review of a book you have read to share with our other members.

The Connections Theme

Marco Polo Base Camp Tile

You might have noticed a common theme across our Latter Day Connections site, social media and chat groups. Our main inspiration is a campfire.

Why the Campfire?

Around a campfire is where we gather for fun, to share stories and form friendships. (And eat snacks of course – smores anybody?) This idea of shared stories, having some laughs and forming friendships is exactly the kind of connections we, the founders, had formed over early 2020. We realised that although there are multiple dating sites around, there aren’t many options for those wanting to connect without the pressure or expectation of dating. Wanting to help others find invaluable connections like our own, we formed our ‘campsites’ across various social media and our favourite video chat app – Marco Polo. (BYO snacks)

kimson-doan-people around fire on the beach at sunset
kimson-doan-people around fire on the beach at sunset

Our Website and social media share the campfire themed images. Our super fun Marco Polo groups are all named after Mountain Ranges and National Parks. (AKA: awesome places for outdoor adventures and fun around the campfire.)

All the links to our social sites can be found on our Member Connections page. Soon we will be adding some specialty groups to your connection options, so be sure to keep checking in. We sincerely hope that by connecting on any of our platforms, you will find support, laughter and lifelong friendships while we share this journey through ‘singledomhoodness’

Welcome to your Latter Day Connections

Connections site map - members tab

Welcome to Latter-Day Connections, we are thrilled to have you join us! You have already set up your password and logged into the Members section of our site, so let’s look at all the other options you have to connect!


Our ‘Blogspiration‘ tab is the home of our blog. Only members who are logged in can access the blog. Here you will find a range of inspirational, informative, or funny articles. We love feedback so get those comment chains going. If you would like to submit an item to be considered for the blog contact our team.

Connections site map - blog tab

Member Connections

This is the main location to see all ways you can connect with each other. Here are the links to join the Facebook group, follow our Instagram page, find out about specialty groups we have available, and much more!

Connections site map - members tab


This is where you find our calendar of events. It shows both online and live events. We will also post events from our affiliate groups and events that members have organised that they would like to share with our members.

Connections Site Map - events tab

Clicking the plus link, as pointed out by the red arrow, integrates this google calendar into your own calendar system. That way you can keep up with events as they are posted. Please note that the default for our calendar is Mountain Time USA. The event times should automatically adjust for the default time zone when integrated with your own calendaring system. Remember, when submitting an event for us to add to the calendar, please translate your start and end times into Mountain Time.

Connections Site Map - event submission

Joining our Marco Polo Groups

In an effort to ensure that only Latter Day Connections members join our Marco Polo groups, you will be manually added to Marco Polo by one of our founders. If you selected to connect using Marco Polo on your membership form, then you will be contacted shortly after to get you added to one of our Marco Polo groups. Please make sure you have already downloaded the Marco Polo App to your phone. To join one of our specialty groups, simply let one of the founders know. If you originally chose to not to be in our Marco Polo Connections, but decide later that you would like to be, again, just contact one of the founders, and we can arrange for you to be added to a group.

When connecting using Marco Polo, please take a moment to review our Marco Polo Etiquette . If you are new to Marco Polo, we have some helpful tips for you here.

More Connections!

You do not have to join our Marco Polo groups to be a Latter Day Connections member. Alternatively, you might simply choose to join our private Facebook Group, follow our Instagram, or log in to our website to keep up with our blogs and our calendar. You are in control of how and where you make your connections.

Go Make Connections!

Our aim is to help everyone find valuable connections that offer the support you need and have some fun along the way. Everyone is welcome around our campfire. Please reach out if you have any issues, comments or concerns. We’re always here to help!

Marco Polo 101

Jennas super awesome Marco Polo how to use tips

Are you new to Marco Polo? Here’s some things you may want to know (Please note that these photos and instructions are NOT Polo Plus, they are the general version of Marco Polo)

Buttons to Use While Watching a Polo

The Purple Arrow is pointing at the double speed button. This will make the ‘polo’ go at double speed, so you can get through messages faster

The Blue Bracket contains options for emoticons you can send while listening to a polo

The Green Arrow is pointing at “the bubble” button. You can leave a short reply or “bubble” on someone’s message by pressing and holding down that button

The Red Arrow is pointing at the happy face that brings that menu up and down. If you are not seeing those options, then tap that face. If those options are covering something you want to see, then tap the face to make the options go down

What the Hey is going on All Over the Screen? (Part 1)

At the bottom of the screen you see various rectangles of people who have left messages. You can tap on a rectangle to skip back or forward to a particular message. No, we cannot adjust what frame that rectangle captures, generally it is the most unflattering face you were making during your message. My theory is that the creators of Marco Polo just have an awesome sense of humor.

The Blue Circle showing an emoticon response we talked about above while listening to that message. Nope, you can’t see who did it.

The Purple Circle shows the name and date/time stamp for the polo you are currently listening to. This is a great way to learn names. You can also tease people who are awake at crazy times. Please note that this has been translated to your time zone, so the time might not be quite as crazy for them.

The Green Arrow shows that a “bubble” message was left on that polo. It will show a picture of the person who left the bubble

The Green Bracket shows all the “bubbles” left on the message you are listening to. You can tap on any of the circles to hear that message played.

The Red Arrow is the same happy face from before. Tapping the happy face makes the bubbles appear or disappear along with the menu.

What the Hey is going on All Over the Screen? (Part 2)

The Blue Arrow shows you where you can see who is currently watching polos in the group. If they leave an emoticon, you will see it cover their face.

The Orange Circle is showing you where each member is up to in the group. This shows the last polo message that these people watched. This can be helpful as you can see which polo the people listening above are leaving emoticons for. So don’t get confused when they leave a laughing face on Fredrika’s message, as you are currently telling a sad story, they just might not be caught up to you yet.

To send a message simply press the “Start” button. This will then change to be a “Stop” button, that you press when you are done.

Be sure to give it a good ol’ press, it can be frustrating when you realise half way through your ‘polo’ that it hasn’t started recording yet. Also, make sure you hit that stop button good and proper otherwise your friends might see more than you want them to.

But Wait – There’s More!

The Orange Circle shows the button that gives you access to the fun effects menu. You can change the camera effect, voice filter, add text to your screen, or draw something on your screen.

The Green Circle is showing the camera flip button. Use that to change to the camera at the back of your phone.

The Purple Circle is showing the text block option! I’ll show that in a picture below.

These options are available only when you are about to record a polo, the unicorn and switch camera remain available to use during your recording.

Once you hit the text block button, your keyboard will come up and you can type a message that will be sent as a text block. This is great for asking questions and sharing fun links with the group.

The Green Arrow is showing you the ‘x’ you can use to close out of this window, if you have made it here by mistake, or changed your mind.

The Yellow Arrow is pointing at the circle that allows you to change the background color of your text block message.

The Purple Arrow is pointing at the “send” button. Press that arrow when you are finished with your message.

Photo Polo – The Last of the Fun Buttons

The Orange Arrow is pointing at the “Photo Polo” button. Once you select this option, you will be able to pick one of any of the pictures on your phone to share with the group. You can also use this to share a video you have taken with the group.

Once you have selected a photo, your screen will look like the one above. You can then press start and begin talking, just like you would with a normal message, but everyone will only see your photo. This is especially useful for people who like to polo in the bath tub or while otherwise indisposed, but remember the rule -members should be wearing clothes when they are seen.

The Green Arrow is showing you the ‘x’ that will allow you to close out of the picture if you have changed your mind or selected the wrong picture.

How Do I Send Private Polos? Who’s in My Group?

The Green Circle shows the name of the group and current number of members. If you tap there, then it will bring you to the menu shown on the right

Inside this menu, all of the group admins will be listed at the top, then you will find all of the other members listed alphabetically below. Please note that if the first letter of their name is an emoji, then they will be at the bottom of the list.

You will not have access to most of the items in this menu, so don’t worry about them

The Purple Arrow is showing you that if you wanted to send John a private message, all you have to do is tap on his name, and it will bring up a message that is just between the two of you.

The Red Circle with a Line shows that there is a duplicate group options. This will seriously annoy and confuse everyone in the group. NEVER USE THIS BUTTON! There could be some very real consequences if you ever use that button (self combustion, warts, losing every left shoe), so please just leave it alone and make your own group.

OH Crud! I Did NOT Mean to Say That!

Never fear, delete option is here! You can go back delete a message that you have sent. If you press and hold on the rectangle picture at the bottom of the message you created, then this menu will come up. Note that the option to “Delete” is Red.

Do Not Send Messages Without Permission – I will cover how to block this below, but please do not share messages that you did not create, unless you have the express permission of the person who shared it. The message was intended for the group that it was shared in and not for whoever you want to forward it to.

Saving Messages if a polo is particularly inspiring or meaningful to you, then you may save it For Personal Viewing ONLY. Remember you are building trust within a group of people where trust has been broken many times. Do not share saved messages without permission.

You Can Only Delete Your Own Messages. If you select to delete another member’s message, then it will be deleted from your personal feed. Everyone else will still be able to see and hear it. Feel free to remove any messages on your own feed you want. If there is a message that is particularly upsetting, please reach out to a group admin right away.

Marco Polo Overload!!

Be warned – Marco Polo and all the amazing people you will meet, can be addictive and you may experience FOMO. Our LDC team advocate that our Marco Polo groups are here to add to your life, not suck it out of you. Here are some ways to help manage your Polo time.

The Blue Arrow shows how many new messages there are in the corresponding group. This is seen on your main list of groups on the opening screen.

The Orange Circle and Arrow show you the three dots that you tap to pull up your options for each group. The picture on the right is showing what this menu looks like once you tap here.

The Green Circle shows where you can mark all of the new polos as watched. This is a great idea if you have gotten behind. This will bring you to the last polo message made, go back about 10 polos to find out where the conversation is at, and join right back in. YOU NEVER NEED TO WATCH ALL OF THE POLOS

The Purple Circle will allow you to add certain conversations or groups to your list of favorites, which will put their picture icon at the top of the page, where you see the Purple Bracket.

The Red Circle will make it so you will no longer get notifications on your phone whenever someone creates a new message in this group. That way your phone will not buzz at you so often.

The Settings Menu

The Orange Arrow and Circle show you where to tap to find the settings menu. The middle picture shows the menu that this pulls up for you.

The Blue Arrow is pointing to your name and picture. Tap here to edit your picture or how your name appears inside Polo. This is where you go to add emojis after your name.

The Red Arrow is pointing at where you tap to edit your privacy settings. The last picture shows the menu that this selection will pull up for you.

The Green Arrow shows what you should select if you would like to prevent others from being able to forward or save your polos.

Now you are all set to have some fun with this super little app. For more tips on Marco Polo group etiquette, check out our previous blog.

Marco Polo Groups Etiquette

Marco Polo Etiquette Blog Image

Marco polo is a fun, easy way to connect with people from all around the world. Taking the guess work out of deciphering the intonation behind a text message; Marco Polo video messaging app allows you to leave a short video message for your friends and you can go back and listen to their responses when it fits in to your busy life. To make the most of this fantastic connection tool, we have a few etiquette tips for you when participating in a group chat …

Don’t Hold Your Face Too Close to the Camera

Marco Polo Chat Close ShotOne of the greatest advantages to using Marco Polo is being able to see people’s facial expressions as they talk. Holding your device too close to your face gets you all up close and personal but not in a good way. Position your device back far enough so that your whole noggin fits comfortably in the middle of the screen.
Marco Polo voice only imageIf you are in a situation where it is better that you not be seen, then please use a photo while talking or do a voice polo.

Keep Your Polos brief

Marco Polo Better Shot Most of us are busy and only have so much time to listen to Marco Polo. It’s a lot easier for everyone to keep up if you keep your polos to under 60 seconds. If you’re having trouble, take a moment to organise your thoughts before hitting the start button. Another way to avoid overly long polos is to break up your message into multiple polos, one for each topic you wish to talk about. People watching can lose focus when a polo is longer than a full minute.
*Note: This etiquette rule does not necessarily apply when you are sending personal polos to individuals.

Limit Yourself to No More than 3 Polos in a Row

Too many Marco Polos in a rowWe want to hear from everyone. If you have sent three messages in a row, then wait for someone else to take a turn to say something, before you send another message. Reach out if you are finding you are having trouble waiting and we can help you find more groups. Sometimes you just need to share the love with another group for a while to let everyone else catch up for a bit.

Try to Stay on Topic

Marco Polo stay on topicThis is very much a group conversation. Imagine yourself sitting in a room with all of the people in the group. How would it feel if everyone is talking about their pets and suddenly someone shouts “I like reading mystery novels!”? It really wouldn’t make a lot of sense and it could be very jarring to the group (squirrel). Of course we want you to introduce new topics and feel free to change the topic, but do it in a natural way. A good rule of thumb is to be sure that you have acknowledged what has been talked about in the 2-3 polos previous to yours.

Be Kind

Marco Polo with John DrivingEveryone is at different points in our journey and we are here for love and support. We have all been torn down by others and by ourselves at different points in our lives. Our aim is to keep Latter Day Connections free from negativity. If you are concerned about something going on in a group, then please either approach that person individually to discuss respectfully, or reach out to one of the founders and we will be happy to look into the issue. Backbiting is uncalled for and assumptions only lead to more hurt. If you are unsure of the intention behind a comment, assume no offense was meant. Treating each other with kindness and respect is the best etiquette and at the very core of our campfire rules.

You Don’t Have to Listen to All of the Messages

Marco Polo with Grant skipping polosWe heartily encouraged a life outside of Polo-Land, so we understand that you wont be spending hours each day listening to polos. Think of it as a room of your friends that you leave and renter. You don’t have to know everything that was said in order to jump back in to the conversation. If you get behind in the group, simply mark all of the polos as watched, then listen to about the last 10 so you are up to speed and jump back into the conversation. It’s okay to skip ahead. If you do like to listen to all the polos, you can leave a ‘bubble’ as you go to comment on specific polos. This way you can be involved in the conversation as you go instead of trying to remember everything you wanted to say for when you do catch up.

Marco Polo provides the opportunity to connect with other people in a way that feels more lively, personal and connected than messages or text. With our etiquette tips, you are all set to go, so get polo-ing and have fun!

Relationship Advice from Elder Holland

Elder Holland dating and relationship quote

We couldn’t say it any better than Elder Holland so we thought we would share some of our favourite bits of his wonderful advice in the talk below. We love that this advice is applicable to all relationships whether they be dating, family or friendships.

“How Do I Love Thee?” – Elder Jeffrey R Holland 1999

Our favourite bits:

I approach the subject knowing full well that, as a newly engaged young woman said to me just last month, “There is certainly a lot of advice out there!” … So perhaps all of you will forgive me for offering, yes, more advice. But I wish it to be scriptural advice, gospel advice. Advice, if you will, that is as basic to life as it is to love—counsel that is equally applicable to men and to women. It has nothing to do with trends or tides of the time or tricks of the trade but has everything to do with the truth.

So may I put your friendships and dates and eventually your marriages in a scriptural context this morning and speak to you of what I will try to communicate as true love.

The seventh chapter of Moroni tells us that this highest of Christian virtues is more accurately labeled “the pure love of Christ.”

And it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him [and her].

True charity, the absolutely pure, perfect love of Christ, has really been known only once in this world—in the form of Christ Himself, the living Son of the living God … As in everything, Christ is the only one who got it all right, did it all perfectly, loved the way we are all to try to love. But even though we fall short, that divine standard is there for us. It is a goal toward which we are to keep reaching, keep striving—and, certainly, a goal to keep appreciating.

And as we speak of this, may I remind you, as Mormon explicitly taught, that this love, this ability, capacity, and reciprocation we all so want, is a gift. It is “bestowed”—that is Mormon’s word. It doesn’t come without effort and it doesn’t come without patience, but, like salvation itself, in the end it is a gift, given by God to the “true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.” The solutions to life’s problems are always gospel solutions. Not only are answers found in Christ, but so is the power, the gift, the bestowal, the miracle of giving and receiving those answers. In this matter of love, no doctrine could be more encouraging to us than that.

How do I love thee?

I have taken for a title to my remarks Mrs. Browning’s wonderful line “How do I love thee?” I am not going to “count the ways” this morning, but I am impressed with her choice of adverb—not when do I love thee nor where do I love thee nor why do I love thee nor why don’t you love me, but, rather, how. How do I demonstrate it, how do I reveal my true love for you? Mrs. Browning was correct. Real love is best shown in the “how,” and it is with the how that Mormon and Paul help us the most.

The first element of divine love—pure love— is its kindness, its selfless quality, its lack of ego and vanity and consuming self-centeredness. “Charity suffereth long, and is kind, [charity] envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own” (Moroni 7:45). I have heard President Hinckley teach publicly and privately what I suppose all leaders have said—that most problems in love and marriage ultimately start with selfishness.

A few great traits:

There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date—to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion—but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. “That best portion of a good man’s life [is] his … kindness,” said Mr. William Wordsworth. There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command—such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

I like Mormon and Paul’s language that says one who truly loves is not “puffed up.” Puffed up! Isn’t that a great image? Haven’t you ever been with someone who was so conceited, so full of themselves that they seemed like the Pillsbury Doughboy? True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. That is Christ’s great atoning example for us, and it ought to be more evident in the kindness we show, the respect we give, and the selflessness and courtesy we employ in our personal relationships.

In all that Christ was, He was not ever envious or inflated, never consumed with His own needs. He did not once, not ever, seek His own advantage at the expense of someone else. He delighted in the happiness of others, the happiness He could bring them. He was forever kind.

The quote we all know and love

In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person’s care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

Members of the First Presidency have taught that “any form of physical or mental abuse to any woman is not worthy of any priesthood holder” and that no “man who holds the priesthood of God [should] abuse his wife in any way, [or] demean or injure or take undue advantage of [any] woman”—and that includes friends, dates, sweethearts, and fiancées, to say nothing of wives (James E. Faust, “The Highest Place of Honor,” Ensign, May 1988, 37, and Gordon B. Hinckley, “Reach Out in Love and Kindness,” Ensign, November 1982, 77).

If you are just going for pizza or to play a set of tennis, go with anyone who will provide good, clean fun. But if you are serious, or planning to be serious, please find someone who brings out the best in you and is not envious of your success. Find someone who suffers when you suffer and who finds his or her happiness in your own.

Temper tantrums are not cute even in children; they are despicable in adults, especially adults who are supposed to love each other. We are too easily provoked; we are too inclined to think that our partner meant to hurt us—meant to do us evil, so to speak; and in defensive or jealous response we too often rejoice when we see them make a mistake and find them in a fault. Let’s show some discipline on this one. Act a little more maturely. Bite your tongue if you have to. “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (Proverbs 16:32). At least one difference between a tolerable marriage and a great one may be that willingness in the latter to allow some things to pass without comment, without response.

Endurance is the key

 Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing. Some things in life we have little or no control over. These have to be endured. These are not things anyone wants in life, but sometimes they come. And when they come, we have to bear them; we have to believe; we have to hope for an end to such sorrows and difficulty; we have to endure until things come right in the end.

One of the great purposes of true love is to help each other in these times. No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load.

People have differing capacities at different times and even different days in their lives. Together we need to monitor the load levels and be helpful in shedding or at least readjusting some cargo if we see our sweetheart is sinking. Then, when the ship of love is stabilized, we can evaluate long-term what has to continue, what can be put off until another time, and what can be put off permanently. Friends, sweethearts, and spouses need to be able to monitor each other’s stress and recognize the different tides and seasons of life. We owe it to each other to declare some limits and then help jettison some things if emotional health and the strength of loving relationships are at risk. Remember, pure love “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things,” and helps loved ones do the same.

Final words

In Mormon’s and Paul’s final witnesses, they declare that “charity [pure love] never faileth” (Moroni 7:461 Corinthians 13:8). It is there through thick and thin. It endures through sunshine and shadow, through darkest sorrow and on into the light. It never fails. So Christ loved us, and that is how He hoped we would love each other. In a final injunction to all his disciples for all time, He said, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you” (John 13:34; emphasis added). Of course such Christlike staying power in romance and marriage requires more than any of us really have. It requires something more, an endowment from heaven. Remember Mormon’s promise: that such love—the love we each yearn for and cling to—is “bestowed” upon “true followers of Christ.” You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way “never faileth.”

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